Continue 1/30/10
Well ,
I have finally got some time to start writing agin. Work has been crazy and well my life is always Dazed and Confused.
LR broke yeaterday, SHe went to GG in the morning ( after a nightmare). She had decided to pull back from GG till he figured some things out about “there relationship” and how to be a “man”. It was close to a week before she broke and went to him . She tried to explain to me that she just cant do it, cant live with out both of us.That if he was to fail it would fall on her shoulder…… Im not sure what that part meant. Bottom line is I told her she has to do what makes her happy. Its her relationship its her choice how she deals with it. She told me she feels like she failed me. I feel like she failed herself, she gave up on her boundries( that she set) to force GG’s hand at taking responsibility for “growing up”. As the old saying goes ” why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free” I guess I will wait and see what happens. I will be there to pick up the pieces or I will be there to be a part of the process for GG. The journey is such a crazy part of life. 
Its a beautiful day outside and I promised LR I would take her on a walk . We got up and did the dishes, GG got up about an hour later. LR and I didnt get any awake time in bed this morning because my little girl got up and she needed a shower( had an accident lastnight). So we got up and got her cleaned. We have a dinner guest comming over tonite so it seems like we wont get to bed early tonite either. So no play time for Maca Dont worry Ill live 
We got LR’s art work( for her tatto) done so we are going to take it to the tatto artist and let her look it over. It will be nice for LR to get it done. She is also going to do a tat on her pelvis that says my name and has a personal D/s reference. She is going to get this tat first then do her big one.
Peace and Love,
Maca
Dazed and Confused Life of Maca
So, I havent done much with this and due to the amount of work LR put into this I should try to keep up. I had no idea if I could ever be Poly. When LR told me that she was and that she wanted to have a relationship with GG I was heart broken to say the least. I thought ” Im not enough, Im not good enough, She must not love me anymore”. I thought lots of other negitive things also. I decided that I would learn about it talk with LR about it and give it my all , I do love LR and I wasnt ready to walk away from her and the 4 kids we have together. I spent a few months going through all the Info I could find ( LR sent me tons of it in my Email) and I spent many evenings in the tub or in bed with LR talking about our relationship and our love for each other. We began to build somthing that we didnt have in our relationship till now, A Friendship. Our love has grown and her feelings of trust and of being safe with me have also grown. Now came the hard part, GG and I needed to become close. Close to the point of being able to care for LR as a team. We all sat down ( a few times) to try to do a boundry list. It failed miserably the first time. The next time it went O.K. But really it was 2 sided and it left LR with some doubts as to GG’s involment as an equal in this relationship. Then to add to it LR brought up D/s ( Dom/ Sub). Im a natural Dom so for me it was a side of LR that intrigued me and brought us closer together. We have spent hours/ days going through all different meanings of D/s and what it meant to LR. Unfortunatly GG well he sorta freaked out and there was a blowout of sorts.That was 2 months ago. LR brought it up again and well things were not any closer to being figured out between the two of them. I took a chance and offered GG some help understanding what D/s was in respect to LR. I have done all I can do for him. Now its up to him to step up or step out. It seems that GG has been doing some work to figure out things in regards to D/s and in regards to his relationship to LR. I hope it works out for them. I know its important to LR and I know GG loves her. Im doing the best I can to be patient with them. Have to go to the store now. Ill continue this life of Maca later. Peace and Love, Maca
